Albert Hammond Bootleg chords

Half Man Half Biscuit

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Dragging my guitar 'round maternity ward 
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I was in search of the umbilical chord   
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But it was all in vain so I jumped on a train 
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And when I reached my home the kids were on the patio 
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Looking quite upset, so I asked them what was wrong 
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And they said "beware - there's an Albert Hammond bootleg in the house 
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In there, an Albert Hammond bootleg in the house, some man 
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Who introduced himself as Stanley Rous came in 
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And left his Albert Hammond bootleg in the house". 
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Talking to a girl on the south coast of France 
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She was on an 18-30 but I still took a chance 
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But on the last night 'neath the stars of Marseilles 
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She said that Robin Askwith was funny. 
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Oh God, how I longed for a dangerous wave 
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So I could surf myself towards an early grave 
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I would rather talk to plankton than to dance with you 
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I hope your plane back home's a DC 10. 
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Oh God, how I longed for a dangerous wave 
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So I could surf myself towards an early grave 
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I would rather talk to plankton than to dance with you 
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I hope your plane back home's a DC 10. 
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Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh 
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Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh 
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Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh 
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Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh really. 
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Out of pure curiosity I dug up Logie Baird 
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And I asked him what Petrified Forests see to make them all so scared.