Verse
Am G
Well, Texas Annie had a big fat fanny, and she drove a black sedan
G Am
She had Ben Wa Balls in her overalls and a trunk full of contraband.
Am G
And when the fog was thick, she'd pack her dicks, and sneak across the county line,
G Am
'Cause in Texas, any tool for masturbation is a crime.
Am G
Hard-livin' and promiscuous, she kinda liked the risk,
G Am
She was a liquor-drinkin' dildo-runnin' rascal.
Am G
With an electronic phallus for each housewife up in Dallas
G Am
An' a probe for every asshole in El Paso.
F C
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas
G C
We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear?
F C
And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable
G Am
For a prison term of twenty-seven years.
Verse
Am G
Well, she'd rent a room in a cheap saloon and start sellin' all her wares,
G Am
She'd be drinkin' whisky and gettin' frisky, conductin' her affairs.
Am G
And by the end of the night, she'd be good and tight, with a girl on either side,
G Am
And she'd grab her saddle and a ping-pong paddle and she'd take them for a ride.
Am G
Till the good ol' boys got their good ol' balls all tied up in a sling,
G Am
And the governor said "I'll have her head, that butch is gonna swing,"
Am G
The boys felt replaced and they felt disgraced and they chased her hard and long
G Am
There's no debate in the Lone Star State about who should wear the dong.
Verse
F C
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas
G C
We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear?
F C
And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable
G Am
To be tried before a jury of your queers. I mean, peers.
Am
Right, definitely peers.
Bridge
Am
Annie in the bedroom picking out toys,
G
Annie been caught by the governor's boys,
Am
Annie gonna get the electric chair,
G
A thousand volts in the derriere.
Spoken
Am
Wooo-hooo! (laugh) Do it again, muthafucka, come on!
Verse
Am G
So they strapped her in and the governor grinned, "I guess you've had your fun,
G Am
Shoulda made your money as a playboy bunny or by selling people guns.
Am G
So goodnight Texas Annie - I hope you burn in hell,"
G Am
She said "I'll see you there, you sonofabitch, and I'll see your wife as well!"
Am G
So he flipped the switch, she began to twitch and vibrate all around,
G Am
Smoke filled the room, there was a thunderous boom and a high pitched buzzing sound.
Am G
And as the air cleared, she'd disappeared, and a hundred eyes grew wide,
G Am
The Men were stiff with horror but their wives looked satisfied.
F C
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas,
G C
So here's your chance to stick it to the man.
F C
Take every opportunity to whack off with impunity,
G C F C G C
Go fuck yourselves as often as you can.